White Matter, 2021

White Matter is a project addressing my issues with memory loss/formation due to C-PTSD & anxiety. The figure to the left of the piece is meant to reference the hippocampus, while the rest of the forms depict white matter. These structures play a major role in memory, & studies have shown that they can be damaged by a variety of neurological + psychological disorders.

My mind has blacked out several parts of my life due to trauma, & while I think it’s sort of incredible that my brain has done this in an effort to “protect” me, it can be incredibly frustrating. Living with anxiety also means by brain is almost constantly in “survival mode,” which can greatly hinder memory formation. Researching & creating a piece that approaches this issue from a scientific standpoint has helped me better understand myself & also realize that it’s not my fault that I experience these things - they’re symptoms of a larger issue, which I’m continually working on. I feel that I’m in a constant search for lost memories - & in that, searching for my own personal history.

Materials: monk’s cloth, yarn, roving wool, gesso, baroque pearls, various beads, giclee prints, wax paper, hot glue, cardboard. 23 inches in diameter.